Thursday, January 8, 2009

Preparing mentally for my first internet romance

First date jitters – not so much. I probably should be nervous, though. I’m going on a date with a girl that I've never seen.

Here’s the thing, I met this person on the internet (read that aloud to make me sound even more pathetic), and she wants to meet me at a place called ‘the big house.’ Well it’s actually called Casa Grande, but my attempt at a joke isn’t as obvious for my English speaking audience, so I thought I should highlight it.

I’ve envisioned a couple scenarios that could lead me to jail (or the big house … just to drive it home):

• She’s insane, and when I don’t compliment her matching neon green earrings, necklace, and stilettos, she goes mad. My efforts at self defense get misconstrued and I’m hauled to jail for domestic abuse.

• She seduces me with her blogging prowess and takes me home. Seconds after it’s too late, she informs me that she is underage, this is a set up, and a police officer will be in to escort me to jail as soon as she gives the signal.

• In an effort to spice up my mundane blog, I decide that I’m going to abuse hard drugs for the evening (a la Hunter S. Thompson). Conveniently she tells me a place I can get some. Since we’re in separate cars, she says I should pick them up while she picks up her place a little bit. After the purchase I’m heading over, and can’t resist a small sample. Being a drug novice I think I have cocaine and ecstasy, but it turns out I have ether and mescaline. The results aren’t as anticipated. I crash my car into her lobby. A foot chase ensues, but I’m caught lying in the pond at Piedmont Park, body submerged, attempting to breathe through a straw.

So if nothing like that happens, it should be a good night.

This mystery date has a blog of her own, and commented on one of my posts a couple of weeks ago. After reading the majority of her blog, I decided it would be interesting to meet this person, more interesting to write a about the date, and even more interesting to hear what she has to say about me.

I have my first date rules, but this won’t be a typical first date. I've never heard her voice, but I know about her and her friends' sexual encounters with random flings and ex boyfriends that she has refers to as A-I.

The good thing is that I have zero expectations, so nothing can go wrong. If it goes great, wonderful. If it goes awful, then that’s probably better material for the reader.

I’m guessing she will be slightly confused on exactly how to play this because, while I write about problems in the bathroom, she seemingly bares her soul.

We meet at 6:45. I better go.


Corey J. said...

Hey, really like the blog, I've been reading it for the past couple of months because we're facebook friends (I think because we took a creative writing class together at Georgia?) and I always see the updates on your status. I have finally decided to step out of the shadows and become a follower.

Good work, keep it up.


Corie said...

Alright. you can't build up the date then not give us laughs from the date!

(you've got TWO corie/ey's) following this. odd. We travel in internet pairs.