Friday, March 13, 2009

The Evolution of the Locker Room – Naked to Narcissistic

Growing up I would tag along with my dad to the gym every once in a while. I don’t remember what we did, but I do remember the locker room.

My specific memories:
- naked men blow drying their hair
- naked men getting in and out of the hot tub
- naked men sitting on the couch watching tv
- naked men standing around talking to each other

True, at 4’4”, I was positioned at the ideal level to survey those that were and were not partaking in underwear. But who am I kidding, if there is a naked man lounging around me nowadays, I’m still going to notice.

Today at the gym the naked man is the exception. And if he does exist, it’s as brief as possible or he’s over 50.

The showers have curtains and too much blow drying still takes place, but it’s of the clothed variety.

In our increasingly internet-based culture, we know more about each other than ever. I know your high school, your last four jobs, and your favorite movies. And yes, I’ve seen the Halloween picture where you’re wearing the super short shorts.

But we’re hyper sensitive about our physical privacy. It has been hammered into our heads that, “my body is nobody’s body but mine.”

Man-to-man nakedness has gone the way of the jock strap, football players are all for it, but the rest of us … we’ll keep our man stuff to ourselves.

Calling all internet based dream interpreters

I dream often, but remember rarely.

This morning as I awoke, it was as if I’d just returned from an unnamed grocer.

Dream recap:
I was buying fresh ravioli. There were five or six options, and they were each $5.


After settling on a portabella mushroom variety, a manager approached and told me that they were running a special – 25 five packages of ravioli for $25. He informed me that the ravioli is typically good for about 10 days.


After thinking it over, I decided I would spend $25 on ravioli. They only had 15 packages in the refrigerator case, so he went to the back to look for more. I waited and waited, but after about 10 minutes, an assistant insisted on replacing the missing ravioli with chocolate cake, multi-colored jello circles, and potato salad.


As he loaded my cart, my temper flared. I aggressively refused these items (which I actually enjoy). After ten more minutes of waiting I stormed out of the store, purchasing nothing.
Any ideas what this could mean?

Sorry for wasting your time.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Weekend – is it really worth it?

If individual nights of the week were for sale in a market, a typical Tuesday night would be worth about $6.

On the other hand, Monday mornings are so bad that I currently require approximately $75 before tax in order for me to partake in them.

You get the idea. Clearly, Friday and Saturday nights are the most valuable traditionally. High expectations, generally positive attitudes, and an abundance of available activities all help to increase demand.

Below I’ll review a handful of nights over the last couple of weeks, the amount the night cost, and what it was really worth.

Wednesday, 2/25/2009 – Delta Spirit concert. (Cost: $25)
I consistently overrate bands after I see them live, but in my mind this was one of the best shows I’ve seen and Delta Spirit is now one of my favorite bands.
ACTUAL VALUE: $60

Friday, 2/27/2009 – Dinner at Tin Lizzy’s followed by a drink at The EARL. (Cost: $35)
Dinner was enjoyable, and conversation interesting, but I was looking for more on a Friday night. I returned home early on a dreary Friday night longing for more.
ACTUAL VALUE: $25

Saturday, 2/28/2009 – Oysterfest, drunken paint session, and dance off at Cavern. (Cost: $110)
An unforgettable night that produced one masterpiece, a photo shoot with various hats and wigs, and new friends.
ACTUAL VALUE: $150

Sunday, 3/1/2009 – Watched Lebron defeat the Hawks by one point. (Cost: $30)
I was tired, but watching the most amazing athlete in the world is a good experience. If this is possible, the Hawks lost valiantly.
ACTUAL VALUE: $30

Tuesday, 3/3/2009 – Cooked white chili at Nick’s. (Cost: $4.75)
Unfortunately I missed out on all preparations. Instead of my nearly-inedible-because-of-jalapeño version, it was quite enjoyable.
ACTUAL VALUE: $8

Friday, 3/6/2009 – Went out to eat and then watched Friday Night Lights with a member of the opposite sex. (Cost: $70)
It’s hard to beat spending an evening with a beautiful woman (Saying I was with a woman still sounds a little weird. If I had my way I would say girl, but I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea). The hummus was tasty, but my steak with no sides was awkward, and a Friday night with only a few drinks left me with way to productive of a Saturday.
ACTUAL VALUE: $70.01

Saturday, 3/7/2009 – Dinner at Daddy D’z BBQ Joynt followed by bar hopping in the Highlands. (Cost: $75)
Started strong, and ended drunkenly. Always good to have a night of carousing with the dudes, but we struggled to stick together. Highlights include Complex games of chance to decide dinner and bar destinations, Que Wraps (BBQ pork wrapped in bite sized dough fried crisp and golden), and shutting down Neighbors with Frank.
ACTUAL VALUE: $50

Monday, 3/9/2009 – Quesadilla and TIVO’d episodes of Chuck and The City (Cost: $2)
My lone quesadilla topping, banana peppers, was lacking, but Jay left my girl Whitney making up for everything negative that happened that day.
ACTUAL VALUE: $6

In conclusion, the weekend is a pretty sure bet for a good time, but be on the lookout for value buys during the week.